Location, Location, Location
Life, Musings February 2nd, 2008The other day I was at a Subway that Tim and I often visit, and the young woman who frequently works there struck up a conversation with us as she was preparing our subs. She asked me, “where are you from?”, somewhat out of the blue. My answer came out as, “I come from Aus- err… ahem, uh, China…? Yeah…”, which undoubtedly made me sound pretty stupid.
My initial, gut reaction to the question was to answer with “I come from Australia”, an answer I’d give to anyone when I’m not actually in Australia. However, I had to stop myself when I realised how unhelpful and jerky it would sound to say that because obviously that’s not the answer she was looking for. She was, in essence, trying to ask me where in Asia I came from because I look Asian. And yet, I found myself having trouble saying “I come from China” because I really don’t associate myself with that country, having left it when I was five years old. I see it closer to being a place I had a really long holiday a very long time ago, and my stuttered answer had mostly to do with having to mentally grapple with then communicating a concept of “coming from” a country that I don’t feel affinity towards.
I imagine that if my brother was confronted with such a question, he’d have more difficulty with the answer since he was born here. I didn’t feel offended or anything by the question, especially since there was no malice behind it, but was just an interesting incident. It feels a little bizarre that although you may have identified and internalised to yourself that you are from a particular place, to some other people, they may have internalised the assumption that you are from elsewhere altogether.
Another reason I refused to be a jerk and answer with my initial reaction was because the whole thing reminded me of this series of horrible comics: [1] [2] [3] [4] See, the premise of the whole site was said to be raising awareness about Asian American “issues” but all it is is the blatant caricaturing of Caucasian men as lecherous, misogynistic and unpleasant people who are out to prey on Asian women. I shit you not. The comics are so bad in how unrealistic and strawmen-like the characters and situations are. I mean, seriously, to take the four comics I just linked, how likely is it that a random guy walks up to a complete stranger and pesters them about what kind of Asian they are?
And don’t even get me started on the small communities I’ve found, consisting mostly of angry/bitter Asian men who complain to each other about how Asian women are dating people of other races. But that’s for a whole other post. I’m going to bed, it’s 4:54am. This entry is incoherent enough.
I had this problem with a girl we had in high school. She had olive skin but a thick Australian accent and being an immigrant’s daughter myself I was really curious as to where she was from. But how do you ask? So one day I just blurted out, “Where are you from?” and, yeah, the answer was “Australia”. It occurred to me what I really meant to ask was “Where did your parents/grandparents/great-grandparents/whatever immigrate from?” (the answer was Jordan; a place I’d never heard of at the time, durr, go me). And I wasn’t trying to, I dunno, denigrate her Australian-ness; the same way I’m perfectly proud that my dad’s family comes from Russia. On the other hand, it is different because nowadays I look totally anglo (in my parents’ days I would’ve been singled out as a wog, I guess) and I can imagine it’s different for people who don’t. But the motive really honestly was just curiosity.
Still, I think you’re well within your rights to say you come from Australia. And then answer the person’s real question which is, “But my family was originally from China.” I think I must’ve picked this one up from dad; he came here when he was five, so he doesn’t identify as ‘Russian’ (he was actually born in a migrant camp in Austria; IIRC he’s never actually been to Russia) and he doesn’t have an accent or speak Russian. But his family was Russian, so that’s how he and I explain it when people ask about the surname or mention we look Eastern European (usually only continental Europeans can tell; I actually occasionally used to get kids come up and speak to me in Polish or Ukrainian at uni o_O).
I personally like giving people the benefit of the doubt too. Like the girl who asked me the question, when you ask the same question, you had only the best of intentions and was merely curious about my ancestry. I don’t have a problem with that, yet when it is framed in an overly simplistic way, I found I had trouble giving the answer that they were looking for.
I think it may be the first time I’ve been asked such a question, hence my fumbling with it. However, some of the anecdotes given by my readers from America below suggests that it may be more common in America that such questions may be laced with some kind of subtle racism.
I think the question is kinda awkward, too, because people are curious in that “Aw, shucks, ain’t multiculturalism great and, hey, my grandfather was from Italy!” kinda way (something like 50% of the population now has a non-anglo migrant parent or grandparent; Australia’s got one of the highest rates of inter-racial marriage in the world), but there’s also a sort of awkwardness when it comes to ‘new migrant’ groups like people from Asia, Africa and the Middle East (not that we haven’t had Chinese migration since the 1800s or anything, but yanno). Like, I wouldn’t feel awkward asking someone about their Greek heritage because, seriously, there are fewer things more stereotypically Aussie than Greek migrants. But the, I dunno, cultural wound of non-European migration is still fairly raw; the first time my grandma felt old to me was when she tried to convince me they were only teaching us Japanese in school so that we’d all assimilate quietly when the Imperial Army burst out of the invasion tunnels. I was 10 and thought it was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard.
And I think that as the daughter of a ’50s wog I feel kinda almost guilty in a way because I know the only reason I get left alone where my dad didn’t is because compared to people from Africa, Asia and the Mid East I look ‘white’. So discussing cultural heritage is kinda this minefield because, like, it’s looking for something in common (”Hey! I’m a first generation Australian too!”) but I don’t want to open any old wounds from the racism wars, especially since I’m aware of the reason why I don’t have any.
I have to admit, I’m a lot more antagonistic than yourself in these situations. I always say “I’m Australian”, complete with steely glare and “Oh yeah, watcha gonna do about it?” death stare.
I think if the question was asked in a more dicky kinda way, or if in another context by someone I deemed to be unpleasant, I would do the same. :P
Belinda, you know I usually agree with you on most issues, but with this I have to disagree. The comics you linked actually occur very often for me and are quite annoying.
First off, I have had a number of Americans (white mainly, but black and hispanic as well) come up to me and just start off by saying “konnichiwa.” Although I love the Japanese and their culture, I hate being automatically identified as a certain race just because I look Asian. Secondly, I have had people come up to me and be like, “Do. You. Speak. English? ENGLISH?” before I could even open my mouth. Third, lots of guys start off a conversation with “hey, where are you from?” — just today even! It definitely comes up within the first couple introductory questions. So actually, that comic rings pretty true to me. It’s annoying and obnoxious, especially while I was a freshman and making introductions every day, to tell someone, “I’m from Jersey” and them go “oh no, I mean, like, what country.”
While much of it might not be meant in a hurtful or obnoxious way, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t damaging. I’m sick and tired of people asking me where I’m from — I was born and raised an American. Asians don’t have a voice here. Only recently have they begun to even show up on mass media. Every time I see an Asian person on TV without a blatantly obvious accent or in a very stereotypical role, I rejoice. Think about it, Jews get to take their New Year’s (Rosh Hashanah) off, but to celebrate Chinese New Years, I’ve always had to take personal days. Also, by letting people think it’s p.c. to just up and ask any Asian person their ethnic background, it harbors an environment that allows for the exoticization and/or derogation of Asians. Three times now, I have been told in complete and utter clarity by individuals who did not consider themselves racist because they didn’t hate African Americans, “Go back to your own country!”. I lost count of how many times that’s been said as a joke.
What a disgrace.
On the other hand, you are right that there are plenty of racist Asians — never said there weren’t. I’ve yelled at my mother for the shit she says about some people, and now I think she might know better at least not to say anything in front of me. We can’t help people using memes to categorize people.
Honestly though, I think the vast majority of it is backlash. I grew up in a school where I was 1 of 3.5 Asian kids in a grade of 100+ students — and that was considered racially diverse. I have friends who were the ONLY Asian kid in their entire schools. I didn’t ever make fun of anyone because they were white or Irish or black or Dominican or anything… but people said stupid things about my eyes, my hair, my skin color… made fun of my friends for their accents. Eventually, the only way you can deal with it is just to realize that a lot of people are stupid and categorize them right back. It’s not a great thing to do, it certainly doesn’t solve any problems, but at the very least, it allows for you to salvage a micron of your self-esteem.
So I guess, just lay off whoever drew that comic. It actually hits really close to home and shit like that is why I’ve always been really involved with cultural diversity and understanding. Honestly, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen to you more, but I guess Australia has a much stronger Asian community and voice than the US.
Hmmm until now I had assumed that the weird and crazy world depicted in the comic simply can’t be the norm in real life because of how forced the situation depicted was. Perhaps it does differ from place to place; I personally have never witness or been part of the phenomena of Caucasians harassing Asians because of their nationality.
Of course, I’ve had my share of occasional racism, usually from very old white men getting off buses and such, yelling about how “Asians should go home” and such, but I never have actually encountered it from anyone in our generation. I guess it doesn’t help that I had a pretty insular upbringing, having attended a selective high school that contained majoratively Asian students.
I’m really sorry that you had to go through such uncomfortable situations, I guess the issues surrounding Asian Americans haven’t transferred to Australia so I assumed the events depicted in the comics were just horrible exaggerations. Then again, from the perspective of someone who does do the question asking (e.g. Dee in the comment above) it could very well be an innocuous query to your heritage, but the question happened to have come out blunter and more misleading than intended. I guess it really depend on how the question was asked and the context perhaps.
It’s really disheartening to learn that comic is truer than I first imagined as it paints a pretty glum picture of how some of our generation of people regard each other.
You’d be surprised. :(
I’m with Amanda on this one, minus the glare and death stare. I’m a fourth-generation (at the very least) American, but sometimes people ask me where I’m from. I don’t think it’s good to humor them with half-honest answers. People need to realize that those of Asian ancestry are Australians or Americans or whatever too.
But - if someone’s curious about another’s heritage - it’s okay to ask. Because while some people ask me about mine, others don’t and they just assume stuff… And as a result of their crazy assumptions, they ask me strange questions (i.e. “How often do visit go to the Asian cultural house? I go there all of the time.”).
What are Asian cultural houses? o_o
lol. It sounds sketchy.
At uni., we literally had buildings devoted to teaching people about and promoting minority cultures. There’s an African-American cultural house, an Asian-American cultural house, a Native American cultural house &c. They generally host random activities (i.e. Come eat free Pan-Asian food!!) and are absolutely not places to hang out and be racist… as people of all racial/ethnic backgrounds are welcome in them.
BUT the person asking me, asked because she assumed that I was somehow Asian. As awkward as it is, sometimes I wish that people would just ask about my ethnicity instead of making it up to be what they wish. But, on a good note (I guess) - I get it from everyone… Older people, younger people, white people, black people, Asian people, mixed people &c.
“Where are you from?”
“Bankstown.”
No need to interpret sinister cultural undertones from everything, especially after ordering food using an Australian accent.
I think if she wanted to know what suburb I resided, she would’ve asked “where do you live?”; I interpreted “where are you from” as being different. Furthermore, when I replied I was from China, she had said “oh I though you were from the Philippines” so I figured I was right in guessing what she meant. I don’t think she was being sinister, but the question just caught me off-guard, that’s all.
Here people don’t ask if we’re specifically from a certain ethnicity, since most obviously guess we’re either Chinese, Malay or something else. I’m being mistaken for a Malay though, although I completely don’t look like it >.>
Wow, that comic is… *facepalm* Granted, since I’m NOT from the US, I can give them the answer they want the first time.
I never really saw the “Where are you from?” question as potentially offensive/annoying. I always thought people here asked that to people they just met all the time. I know my American friends ask each other that (”I’m from Maine,” “I’m from New York,” etc). I don’t think you need to antagonize anything out of it.
That said, I’ve had my share of “Asian jokes” where my friends would tell me “I’m so Asian” for having quirks or that they’d never harass me “because I’m Asian.” o_O;; I’ve only ever had to deal with this when I came to the States. It doesn’t annoy me per se, but it’s just that. I never really had to deal with it.
Mmm I fortunately don’t get it much either, and I too would rather give people the benefit of the doubt, and start off assuming they are just being inquisitive rather than trying to offend me. I guess context matters too though.
That comic makes me laugh.
I mean, yeah, some white people are racist idiots. But then again, people in GENERAL are. We all have our share of being discriminated against for one reason or another, whether you’re white or black or Asian or gay or a woman or a man or have blonde hair or green eyes or whatever. Somewhere out there, someone hates you.
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/SAF_comic
I like how in the “about” page of that comic site, it says the comics aren’t supposed to be funny, however, I found many to be hilariously horrendous. Mmm I’ve been to that page before, I absolutely LOVED the edits to the original comic.
Those comics are insane! Are they supposed to be funny!? o.O
Scarily, no. According to the “about” page, it’s all serious business.
I have wanted to ask people before where they’re from - their heritage - but haven’t, for fear of being labelled a racist. In fact, it’s exactly the reaction in some of the comments above that prevents me from showing my interest. Because I don’t show my interest, and because I don’t/can’t learn about other people’s culture, I remain ignorant. Ignorance breeds racism and so the circle continues.
I honestly don’t see why people feel the need to hide their history, culture, heritage, whatever the right word is.. behind a veil of defensiveness. Demanding to know where a person is from for the intent of making racist remarks is one thing, but showing actual interest is another. I believe I have Scottish ancestors but I don’t retort “I’M ENGLISH!” if someone asks a relevant question; I’d rather just admit that yes, I was born in England and no, I don’t have a clue about my grandparents or grandparents’ grandparents.
I agree with Kudarania - “We all have our share of being discriminated against for one reason or another”.
Mmm hence why I don’t take questions about my heritage negatively, there’s nothing wrong with people being curious about it. However, I guess it’s necessary to not assume that a person identifies with their heritage though. If your question seems to make such an assumption it might make people frustrated when it’s not the case for them.
My dad, who is Maori, gets asked where he’s from quite often. Most people think he’s Mexican or Italian only because he presents himself differently from a stereotypical Maori guy. I think that’s a little racist, assuming that because he doesn’t talk like a moron he musn’t be Maori.
It must be a little frustrating for your dad. It really doesn’t help that such a stereotype exists. Not only might it lead people to think that’s how Maori people are, it may make some Maori people themselves think that is how they should behave.
My situation feels a bit similar. Both of my parents are from historically African-American families (meaning that they’re at least 1/4 or thereabouts black). But because my skin is a little on the light side, because my eyes are small, and because I don’t act like an idiot, people assume that I’m Asian or Native or just something other than black. When people ask about my heritage - it’s odd, but it’s fine. However I honestly can’t help but get annoyed when people (sometimes strangers) argue with me about it (i.e. You probably really are Korean. There’s no way to really know). The fact that I’ve studied Asian languages makes it worse because then all doubt seems to be removed from other’s minds.
I can imagine it must have been awkward for you to answer that question. Seeing you left China at such early age, it is quite normal for you not to identify yourself with that country anymore. I’ve never had such problems before: I was born and raised in Belgium and currently still residence there. However, I can understand that it must have seem weird to you and that your first reaction was to answer Australia.
I believe that we are from where we can identify with. Of course your Asian look might be confusing for some, but from the other hand right now it’s hard to tell anymore from where one comes. We have this glorious friend, who grew up here in Switzerland, but her father is Vietnamese, she has this fabulous Asian look, but everybody consider her nothing more than just Swiss-German girl.
I can understand that the situation must have been weird for you, but since you left China is such a young age, I think that it’s absolutely normal that you identify yourself more with Australia than with China.
I’m a foreigner myself (Pole living in Switzerland), and because of my dark complexion and melodic accent when I speak high German (in dialect you can’t tell so easily) I’ve heard all the weird theories about my origin - people placed me from Russia to India, but none of them ever came close to my real origin… my accent isn’t Polish enough ;)
well what I believe here is you should have said I came from Australia… the place of your upbringing. Its obvious that your looks predicts that your Asian.. Similar is the case with American Asian community… but when I ask the same question to them.. they say they are Americans…:)
I get your feeling and have admit I do have a slight tendency to stare, but just because I’m not used to foreigners. Before 1990, foreigners didn’t come here, so immediately after the revolution (which threw over communism) it was such a novelty.
So, I’m just extremely curious… but I’d be really embarrassed to go up to a stranger and ask such things. I’m very shy by nature… so I need extra courage to ask for directions or the time… let alone such a personal question.